


Let it Rot

by BetweenTheClouds



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Break Up, Future Fic, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Sad Ending, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:13:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28244475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BetweenTheClouds/pseuds/BetweenTheClouds
Summary: Seeing him, Akihiko involuntarily took a step back. He was finally faced with the fact he had been ignoring. Haruki was miserable. He had dark circles under his eyes, his hair hadn’t been brushed, and his sweater hung loosely on his body, as if he hadn’t been eating properly.“Aki, I’m tired,” he said simply. “I just … need this to be over.”
Relationships: Kaji Akihiko/Nakayama Haruki
Comments: 6
Kudos: 62





	Let it Rot

Akihiko pressed his forehead against the door and breathed a long sigh. He couldn’t stay out here all night. A bouquet of flowers in one hand, he used the other to open the door. He wasn’t sure what to expect. 

That morning, he had a fight with Haruki. Again. He couldn’t even remember what started it. All he knew was that he said vile, spiteful things he couldn’t take back. And Haruki didn’t even blink. 

He had just sat there across the table from Akihiko, clasping his hands together and staring straight ahead as Akihiko spewed those words at him. He used to get so flustered when they fought. His voice would tremble and a flush would spread across his cheeks, trying to defend himself. 

Now when they fought, he would go to a place Akihiko couldn’t reach. He wouldn’t acknowledge Akihiko’s words, expressions, or touches until it was over. 

It was only when the fights were over that Akihiko could wake up and assess the damage. He would storm off to work, cool off during the day, and return home to Haruki full of apologies, with a fresh bouquet of flowers or a little trinket that reminded him of the bassist. 

And Haruki (kind, gentle, understanding Haruki) would give him a soft smile, pull him into a hug, and forgive him. Always. 

At least he used to. 

These days, the soft smiles seemed a little forced, and the hugs felt a bit more rigid. But the forgiveness was a constant. It was Haruki, after all. 

When Akihiko entered the apartment, it was almost completely dark. He could see light coming from the kitchen, so he took another deep breath and headed towards it. Things had to be okay. They always were. 

As he took in the familiar furniture and pictures hanging on their walls, he thought back to when they first moved in here, four years ago. The apartment was brighter then. 

_ Haruki adjusted the painting on the wall, scrutinizing it from every angle before deciding it was straight. Stepping away to admire his handiwork, he turned to Akihiko with a huge smile. “That’s one room unpacked! I still can’t believe this is our new home. It feels like a new chapter of our lives.” _

_ Akihiko gave Haruki a fond smile. “This isn’t the first apartment we’ve lived in together,” he reminded the bassist. _

_ “I know. But with this one, we can be proper adults. We can grow together, by one another's sides. It’s the start of forever,” Haruki responded excitedly, leaning his head on Akihiko’s shoulder. _

_ Normally, Akihiko would tease Haruki for his cheesy wording. But he was also excited to start their forever. He picked Haruki up and twirled him around, making them both laugh. Then he pressed him against the wall, Haruki wasting no time in wrapping his legs around his waist. “I still can’t believe you’re mine,” Akihiko whispered, pressing his forehead against Haruki’s. Haruki’s lips landed on Akihiko’s, and he savored the taste. Akihiko’s fingers danced against Haruki’s skin, before intertwining them with Haruki’s own. Their matching gold bands glinted from the setting sun. _

When was the last time they had been that happy? A strange feeling settled in Akihiko’s stomach when he realized he couldn’t remember.

In a rare moment of self-reflection, Akihiko admitted to himself that things weren’t going well. And they hadn’t been for a while. 

It wasn’t just the fights. He wasn’t sure exactly when it happened, but Haruki had changed. He used to call Haruki his sunshine, for Haruki’s unending warmth and upbeat spirit. But one day his sunshine appeared to be a little dimmer. And then it just continued losing its brightness as the days and months (and maybe even years) went by. Haruki’s smile, which was once impossible to contain, started to hide away for hours on end. The genuine happy smile began to be replaced by a poor imitation, submerged in misery. Eventually the sightings of his genuine smile became so rare Akihiko could go for weeks without seeing it. Haruki kept it tucked away in a deep corner of his soul, trying to protect what remained. 

Sometimes his smile would be drawn out by Uenoyama, Mafuyu, or Yatake. But rarely for Akihiko. The only times he heard Haruki’s laughter anymore was when he was in the company of his friends. Even that was happening less often. 

Akihiko found Haruki sitting at the kitchen table, his hands clasped together like they always were during their fights. His head was down, and he didn’t acknowledge Akihiko’s presence for a few moments.

Seeing him, Akihiko involuntarily took a step back. He was finally faced with the fact he had been ignoring. Haruki was miserable. He had dark circles under his eyes, his hair hadn’t been brushed, and his sweater hung loosely on his body, as if he hadn’t been eating properly. 

Perhaps the biggest indicator of all was the dim hair that stopped just short of Haruki’s shoulders. After Akihiko had confessed six years ago and they got together, Haruki gradually began to grow his hair out again. His hair stayed silky and long until around six months ago, when Haruki cut it all off. He didn’t let himself wonder if Haruki’s hair still represented his feelings for Akihiko. 

Akihiko wanted to run. He could play dumb like he had been doing this entire time, but they both knew what caused this. Haruki’s mental state, as well as their relationship, was decaying. It had been left to rot by Akihiko. And no amount of bouquets, trinkets, or apologies could fix it. 

Lifting his head, Haruki made eye contact with him. “Sit down,” he said tonelessly. “We have to talk.”

Swallowing hard, Akihiko sat down across from him. As he looked at the scratch on the table, he recalled this was the same spot they had fought in earlier. Even though the bouquet was still in his hand, one look at Haruki’s face made him forgo the idea.

Haruki raked his hands across his face, leaning back and staring at the ceiling for a moment. When his gaze returned to Akihiko, he looked completely drained. There was a glazed look in his eyes. “Take-chan invited me out for drinks today. And my first thought was making sure you didn’t find out.” Hearing his words, Akihiko immediately clenched his fist. Haruki saw it and gave him a wan smile. “I didn’t want to deal with the accusations of ‘Are you sleeping with him? I knew it, you were just waiting for an opportunity.’ I can’t even go out for drinks with my best friend without having those words thrown at me. That’s not normal, Aki.” 

Pausing, Haruki lit up a cigarette and tossed the pack and lighter on the table for Akihiko. He inhaled deeply before continuing. “I really thought things were different with me. That you could be open with me, feel safer. But you’re so hurt by the past, sometimes I think you don’t really see me.”

Akihiko wanted to shout at him how wrong he was. That Haruki was  _ all  _ he saw. That he only felt safe when he was in Haruki’s arms. But a niggling feeling of doubt crept up inside him, and the words couldn’t escape. 

“Maybe sex is your trigger,” Haruki mused absentmindedly. “When we’re having sex, sometimes a switch just flips. You go from being loving and gentle to rough. Not the kind of rough I like, but like you’re trying to punish me. And I always asked myself what I did to make you like that.” A short laugh escaped from Haruki, but it sounded alien, in a language Akihiko couldn’t decipher. “But I think I get it now. It’s not me you’re trying to punish. Maybe it’s him, or maybe it’s you. It doesn’t matter, because in the end, I’m the one who’s getting hurt.”

“Haruki …” Akihiko gasped out, having finally found his words. “I never wanted you to feel that way. I couldn’t deal with my own shit, and I took it out on you. But I  _ love you _ , Haruki. Just please let me fix this. As long as it’s you, I can-”

He was cut off by a long sigh from Haruki. Haruki reached across the table and grabbed Akihiko’s hand, finally looking him in the eye. The faraway look in Haruki’s eyes dissipated. “Aki, I’m tired,” he said simply. “I just … need this to be over.” 

Akihiko’s eyes widened. Really, he didn’t know why he was surprised. Anybody could have seen this ending coming from a mile away. Just as he was about to protest, his gaze landed on a gold band sitting on the table in front of Haruki. No matter how bad things got, Haruki never took off that ring. Akihiko sucked in a breath.

Haruki was leaving him.

When he saw the ring lying abandoned on the table, his mind took him back to the other time Haruki almost left him. Has it already been three years?

_ Sitting on the couch beside him, Haruki was excitedly telling him about a new job offer. The pay increase would be huge, and he would be able to do more of the work he enjoyed. _

_ The job was in Osaka. _

_ “How are we going to make this work if you’re in Osaka?” Akihiko asked, holding onto Haruki desperately. _

_ Haruki laughed and kissed him. “We’re forever, aren’t we? We can get through this. They said I would only have to work there for two years, then I could come back here. With another promotion. Our lives will be so much more comfortable, Aki. And then we’ll never have to be separated again.” _

_ But Akihiko wasn’t listening. All he could think about was how Haruki was leaving him. There were too many changes happening too quickly. Once Haruki saw what else was out there, why would he stay with him? _

_ He didn’t think of compromises they could make, and he never considered moving to Osaka with Haruki. He could only think that Haruki was leaving, leaving, leaving.  _

_ So he did the only thing he could think of. For the next week and a half, he begged Haruki not to leave. Tried everything in his power to convince Haruki to stay here with him. Eventually, Haruki gave in, promising not to leave him. But as he made the call to his boss to decline the offer, the spark in his eyes grew slightly dimmer.  _

If he thought about it, he supposed that was probably where it started. From that point on, he couldn’t shake the feeling that Haruki almost left him behind, or that he had somehow let Haruki down. Instead of feeling better that Haruki stayed with him, he felt much worse. 

A crack began to form in the foundation of their trust. Haruki seemed a little more distant, and Akihiko’s mind went into overdrive. Dark thoughts tracked him down from every corner, making him wonder if Haruki wanted the job in Osaka so bad just to get away from him.

Not long after that, Akihiko grew cautious of every potential hurdle to their relationship. He started accusing Haruki of cheating on him if he stayed out too late with Yatake or work colleagues. Haruki slowly began limiting his time spent with others, if only to avoid the fights. If he was feeling especially jealous and spiteful, he would taunt Haruki that he could get ass anytime he wanted.

The first time he said that, Haruki cried inconsolably. The last time he said that, Haruki barely flinched.

He was shaken back to the present by Haruki’s cold lips pressing against his cheek. “I would have done anything for you,” he whispered against the other man’s skin. The use of past tense didn’t escape Akihiko’s attention. “Goodbye, Akihiko.”

Akihiko stood rooted to the floor. As he watched Haruki, it felt like this was happening to somebody else. It was surreal. Haruki left the kitchen and walked over to the bedroom. When Haruki emerged from the room a few minutes later, he was wheeling suitcases to the front door. He was so well prepared, Akihiko wondered if he even went to work today. 

Once Haruki was almost at the front door, Akihiko snapped out of it and grabbed his arm. Haruki turned and met his eyes, evidently expecting to see anger. When he saw the desperation in Akihiko’s eyes and the tears streaming down his face, Haruki’s expression softened. He reached out a hand to comfort Akihiko, but stopped short.

“This can’t just be over! We said this was forever, don’t you remember? Look, I know things haven’t been good for a while. But I can change. If you just give me one more chance, I swear to you I’ll change and be a better man for you.” The words tumbled out of him before he could control them. Even to his own ears, they sounded hollow and cliched. Like promises from the past he had failed to keep. 

Haruki gave him a small, sad smile. His eyes, which used to light up when they landed on Akihiko, were now dim with exhaustion. But Akihiko saw a strange peace in them, something he hadn’t realized was missing. 

“I really hope you do change, Aki,” Haruki responded, his tone full of sincerity. “But it won’t be for me.” 

The door closed shut with a click, taking the remnants of Akihiko’s sunshine with it. 

**Author's Note:**

> This thought has been bouncing around in my head for a while, so I finally decided to write it. There wasn't much happiness to go around, but I hope you like it!
> 
> I'm going to have to read lots of Akiharu fluff after what I've done. Haha!
> 
> Songs I listened to while writing this: You Could Be Happy - Snow Patrol, Better Than This - Everyone Leaves, and Angry or Sad - WVNDER


End file.
